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Public letter to Two Tears Boye about some things that happened on saturday night

Hey TTB,

I went to campus. There was a party there, it is a theme party where everyone wears mustaches. It's called the mustachio bashio. I don't know how I ended up in there. I did.

There was a short period of time where I was completely alone on the dance floor. I mean this party was full-like-a-club-whole-party-pushing-against-party-status. But all my friends had left. When my friends were there I didn't notice much about the other groups of friends, but when I was alone I noticed. I noticed other alone people with shifty eyes, and I tried to contol my shiftyness. I danced continually. Some alone people weren't dancing. I was chanting and WOOing while I danced. I had both my arms up and I pointed to the sides, above the crowd. When I got home I smelled bad, so maybe that dance move was brutal on some people so close to me.

Today was also the fourth annual Bono Day. I don't really care for Bono, but everyone deserves a holy day. Me and my friend walked around telling everyone we saw 'happy bono day'. We sang some of his songs to people. There were mixed reactions. I was sober all night so I had the upper hand on the drunkers bashing Bono. I would get pretty aggresive and close to people, like a heel(bad-guy) in professional wrestling. It is the heel's job to excite people and get them upset. Basically any kind of reaction represents emotional (and in wrestling monetary) investment. (I hate parenthesis, I really do. I try not to use them.)

Well, one kid in a cowboy hat heard us say 'HAPPY BONO DAY!' and he turned and said, 'fuck bono!.' Me and my friend, the golden bear, the golden bear, the golden bear (second part of the Benoit story COMING SOON), went after this kid and said, 'hey!' 'no fuck bono.' We stood real close to this kid. The Golden Bear is a face (good-guy), so we play well, balancing off each other with the poise of a superstar ready to connect with the elbow.
We said, 'what?'
the kid wearing the cowboy hat said 'fuck bono, bono sucks, i hate bono,what has he ever done?'
I replied, 'Bono saved Africa from the ocean!'
The kid in the cowboy hat said, 'yea, so he saved africa and sings songs, so what, why does he get a day. fuck Bono.'
And the Golden Bear laughed about africa v/ ocean. And I looked around. Then I looked back at the kid with the cowboy hat. We went back and forth about Bono for a while. I said, 'its not about bono, it is about bono day. You don't know what your talking about.' I told him that Bono came to this very spot on this same day four years ago. He didn't believe it, but it is true. Bono was there, and he was there long before this kid in a cowboy hat was there.

Eventually, I chased him away. I chased him yelling, 'G Dubs 08, George Dubs 08, G Dubs, G Dubs!' When I chased him I kept my hands in my pockets and pulled my jacket out a little, flapping. 'Vote G Dubs.' Then I laughed standing near some friends. I don't really like George Bush's policies, but I don't think he makes them. I think he is a great face for the public. He is tricky and sly and smiles like you know he knows a secret. It is funny. He has more country-people-charisma than anyone running now. Baraaaak has a different kind of charisma. He is kind of like a stone cold steve austin of politics. He doesn't respect the political scene, he thinks it needs reform, he thinks it is too hidden. If Barraaaack wins I think it will be the attitude era in the white house and the people will go crazy for it. News rating will be up. Or he will inherit a bombs set to debtonate in his hands on the first day. G Dubs would be smiling, sitting at his ranch, laughing a little and thinking how nice it is to be done being president. Either way he will probably do that. Universal health care is stupid. Hillary is in the back pocket of some healthcare people to try that. We have it in Mass. and it doesn't work at all. It is too expensive, that really is the truth. Universal healthcare doesn't work here because people without jobs don't get healthcare, that is just how it works most of the time around here. Having a plan set in place doesn't change that really. Hillary's plan is like a healthcare dictator.

When I was in the party I danced with a girl for a little while. I noticed how much less you move to dance when you are dancing with a girl. I barely saw her face really. But I have gently touched this girl's hips. And I have danced with her in a room full of people, so it is like grinding in a mosh pit full of dancing and grinding people. I don't know why I grinded. I guess I wanted to be against someone because I was alone in the mass of dancing people. I enjoyed it. I like dancing in the group of people but I feel a wierd feeling sometimes, like a stiffness in my back or my arms or my neck. I tried to look her up, because I always have the impulse to contact people I have body contact with. Sometimes I imagine having sex, but sometimes I just imagine contacting the person and saying things that are too true to tell people, not dirty things, normal things. Most of the time I don't contact them. And if I do it is not right, there is odd in the air. This girl was short, I had to crouch a little. Sometimes when the crowd would move I would hold on to her to keep her standing. I noticed her friends pushing her back over towards me through the crowd at one point. She went to smoke a cigarette. Then I left. I saw her talking with her friends. I stood not that far away at one point. I heard someone say, 'that's him?' but I may have imagined it. I walked away. I like to walk away from things and leave it at that. What exists is that I am not sure if her name was meredith or margaret, and the only thing we said to each other was an exchange of names. I am glad to leave it at that. I like the panickedy feeling of what's just behind. And most of my relationships are big time wreck jobs, right up there all over the rocks. But a night of dancing in a crowd where people are dancing together, and the whole crowd is pushing against each other and holding each other up at the same time and there is loving nature in a semi-violence situation, is intimate and memorable. There we are each others sleds while we are falling and rotating, crashing all the way down the mountain, bouncing off trees and jumping into the air sometimes.

Later that night I told a whole room of people the way I felt most of my relationships went. I was describing my faults. A girl in the room said, 'that's mature.' I said, 'ha!' She looked at me. I said, 'Well may not be mature, but it is natural, right now.' I looked at her sitting on her boyfriend's lap. I looked at her eyes, then I looked at her boyfriend's eyes. She said, 'you have alot to learn.' I said, 'Ha!' I pointed at the two of them. I shook my head no and said, 'you have alot to learn.' I imagined terrible relationships all over the country. I imagined four people in one house with horrible relationship. She was telling me I need to learn something about relationships. And when I disagreed I didn't disagree with that. I disagreed with the fact that people who have horrible relationships means they have alot to learn. Like there is some overarching truth that is applied to all relationships that makes them go on and on and on instead of ending. There are personal methods that line up with mental reasoning of the individual, aware and not aware. These methods exist in a situation by situation form. It is all improvised, and there are failures. I may be able to imagine talking to a girl in a romantic type way, but I think impersonal romance is ironic. My type of romance is determined heavily by the person being wooed. One time, few months ago, I read a poem to a girl and it was just the wrong time. She thought I wanted in her pants, I may have at one point, but that isn't why I showed her poems. I tried to lay down with her by being kind and gentle and loving and listen. I still had those things to give to her. When she sent the text message I didn't even think dealing with it was worth it. Because, eventually I was going to end that relationship because of her saying that. We had no chemistry. We clashed. I wasn't totally myself around her. I tried to reply and it wouldn't send. So I just went with it and I haven't talked to her since. She called once but I didn't answer. So, to imply that she doesn't have anything to learn because she is sitting on her boyfriend's lap (and it is a good steady healthy relationship), means to me that she needs to learn in public, outside of the school system, where troubles are everywhere. I see the leaning together. I just haven't been so lucky, pal, give it a rest. And learn about how trouble exists and it is a bigger thing, that surrounds us, inside alot of the people. You know what I mean buddy? Carhenge. Mall of America. Badlands. Hot Springs. Mt. Rushmore. Kanssas?




mall of america

The grey person returns home to find the kitten has turned into a catperson.