table of contents

storyline progress of the jaguar uprising, Tao Lin says 'I will hit you with a chair'

Submit to bore parade, 'zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz' coming this week at bore parade. Tom Cruise sulks about his break up with Katie Holmes in The Gospel of Tom Cruise.

Recently, The Golden Bear declared his love for Kendra Grant Malone, and Kendra responded. The Golden Bear seems to be gunning for the real american dream: meeting the love of his life on the internet. How will this high risk maneuver pay off? Will The Golden Bear continue his pursuit, or will Kendra's response turn him sour on the whole idea? Either way, solidarity Golden Bear, I been where you are right now and it don't feel too good.

Also The Golden Bear and the jaguar uprising in question six of a very long interview on someone's site.

The mystic one, TTB, seems to have a mystically bad taste in his eyes as he sets his glare on Sam Pink. Sam Pink wrote a long promo to the entire uprising, TTB peered in his mystic looking glass and whispered, 'so it must be', and cut a promo on Sam Pink. This seems to be a classic encounter of Legend vs. Legend Killer, as the legendary TTB holds onto the eagle claws and descends from the clouds to defend the legend of the jaguar uprising. The legend killer, sam pink, stands on the rocks near the river waiting for ttb to land, he waits standing near a spider that has no eyeballs. As TTB nears the earth emotions will soar. The collision is close. Brace yourselves.

Daryl the Blacksmith and Daryl Strawberry don't like each other too much. Odd thing is, both of thier blogs are run by the same person: daryl. Who is this crazy metal-bending-home-run-sending-schizo? We'll see, as Daryl faces Daryl in a split personality steel cage match. I don't think daryl even knows he is both. People say you don't have any recollection what your other personalities do. Will daryl simply self-destruct, tearing his own arms and legs off in a coke-feuled-blow-torch-tornado? Watch reality totally disappear, as one man's psyche crumbles in a battle with himself.

Someone out there doesn't care for TTB. His name is Sam "The Man Shotgun" Brewslaw, and he is letting the world now how he feels.

Ciceromania and the jaguar uprising combine as one, a little.

Tao Lin responds to the jaguar uprising appearing at the KGB Bar Arena on Friday, May 2nd by saying, 'I will hit you with a chair.' Be there, or miss out on the greatest battle of writer-athletes that New York has ever seen.

The claw touches the cloth that touches the skin, I skim, the attic of a house down the street exploded yesterday

My cats have always just cut my hand or arm, and whenever I open the window they jump on the desk and walk over the keyboard to put their paws on the sill. They are getting big. I feel proud about my growing cats. They are roughly equal in size. But Chiefrunningtears may be a little bit bigger than Crowbar.

I have odd reading habits. I don't read many things all the way through. There are only a few books I have been able to read from start to finish. Most of the time I pick up a book at start at a page near the front. I page through the book reading one or two words in different paragraphs. I do this until I find something that catches my interest. I read that for a while. Eventually, with some books, I get a good idea of the whole book over a long period of time. It is out of order, but it generally makes sense. Other time I will read chunks in a book, ten to twenty pages in a row. This makes me better at reading poetry than reading novels. I enjoy the short form. Even when it is a long poem, I feel like the poem is a short form. When I write novel parts or stories I focus on the narrative development, when I write poems I focus line by line. I think the way I write deeply reflects the way I read.

Now that I live alone there is alot of pattern in my life. I see alot of the same things everyday, with little variation. This leads me to repeat alot of images in poems. There is variation, but alot of times the reader is left reading basically the same thing over and over. I think that the repeating action is basic and needed in the long poem.

I still believe in the long poem. This is related to my reading style. I like to have many more words than I need so I can scan around and find things out of the everything that is going on. This makes a long poem something that provides endless shorter poems. The over arching structure is found eventually. I think of this reading as a kind of bathroom style reading where there is limited time, and complete focus for that limited time. In a collection of shorter poems there is an awareness of the poem as a complete object. I feel the writer writing or crafting the poem, starting it - going through some action - and finishing it. The long poem lacks these distractions to me, and the result is a more free-form writing that loses focus and narrative arc. In a short poem there is room for one to a few emotional shifts with minimal development. The long poem offers a landscape where subtle emotional nuances flux in and out of the fabric of the poem. The poem becomes a dynamic representation of the flux of emotion. I don't believe in stream-of-consciousness. I think a writer gathers methods of association, more and more the longer they write. Over time, these methods become subconscious and they form the phrases before the writer has to think of how the phrases are being arranged. Accumulating associations becomes a long-term goal, like the long poem.

My cats ate all the dry food in the bowl. There isn't anything left. Chief is sleeping in the sink and Crowbar is laying on a black chair. There are little punctures where the claws have been in the chair before. The light on the cieling of my room stopped working. I only used it for a few months. The yard is clean though, and there is only one garbage bag in the trash can.

The Jaguar is coming, on May 2nd, to the KGB Bar Arena: Where it all begins, again.

Tao Lin and Zachary German have a reading at the KGB Bar in Manhattan on May 2nd.  All should come, all should be there, the bar should be overflowing with the uprising.

I have come to do no one no harm

Noah Cicero recently mentioned the ultimate warrior on his blog. I credit most things about this promo to the ultimate warrior.

a poem by Jordan Branson

the french invented tears in 1907
you want me to be french?
I'll show you fucking french
oh yeah

new jaguar uprising press book, the gospel of tom cruise

After months of waiting,
Tom Cruise has finally
followed through.


the gospel of tom cruise
by Tom Cruise


From Jaguar Uprising Press!!!
view other ebooks here!!!

Whoopi Goldberg and Tom Cruise Part III

WG: Okay. So. Here we are again. I am Whoopi Goldberg, and I have lost forty-three pounds. I was busting much more than a deuce. I am here with the ever-smiling Tom Cruise.

TC: Oh yeah, Whoopi. Hahahahhah. Oh yeah.

WG: Right. I haven’t flown in a very long time. I prefer to travel by bus. The Gospel of Tom Cruise moves around at a very fast pace, what kind of transportation are the jumps in The Gospel of Tom Cruise most related to?

TC: Whoopi. You know I don’t know, Whoopi.

WG: Stop saying my name, honey.

TC: I Know, I’m saying it a lot. Whoopi. It’s just fun to say. Whoopi. Whoopi. haahhahahahhaahahahhahaha. hahahhahhah.

WG: It is fun to say, Tom. Transportation?

TC: Yeah, transportation. I think the book resembles a broken teleportation machine that spits you out at many places before you get where your going. I have a teleportation machine that works, but I imagine that is what would happen if it broke. But, you know, I’m still here. I am a postcinematic writer, Whoopi. Opps. Won’t happen again. Film has taught me more about moving spatially around images. It taught me about focusing. Look, all I’m saying don’t blame me. I got kids at home. I would never show them pornography. If they are in the bathroom too long I will knock on the door, and I will say, ‘hey, are you constipated or what?’ I care, Who-ah, I care.

WG: Yeah. It makes me feel exposed in a way, like somebody has torn off my clothes.

TC: I know. I know. I mean, I’m a hugger. Look. I hug.

WG: And when you been hugged by Tom Cruise, you been HUGGED.

TC: hahhaah.

WG: Tom. There is a glow surrounding you. Where does it come from? Are you taking risks? What do you think your gospel means? Is it a release?

TC: I don’t know. If I wanted to relax I would just go for a walk. You know, it’s like help me help you. Help me help you.

WG: hahah. Show me the money, honey! ha.

TC: Were just sitting here hanging out, and you have to take it there? Anyways. So I also produced this book. It was fun working with bore parade. Did you know they have an army of invisible cats? I didn’t believe it until I saw it. But I went in there and there were all of these things floating around moving through the building. I was just like, wow.

WG: Well, that about takes us all the way through this. It has been somewhat informative.

TC: What do you mean ‘somewhat’?

WG: Oh shut up, Tom. I’m Whoopi Goldberg. Look for The Gospel of Tom Cruise, coming out on April 12th, 2008 on bore parade.

Whoopi Goldberg interviews Tom Cruise part II, this is where they start to heat up

WG: Okay, I’m sitting here with Tom Cruise, the man about town. What is the driving force behind this book? If it isn’t religious, it must have an agenda of some sort.

TC: I am sure there is some kind of agenda or something that comes together with all of the stuff in this book. But I write it line by line, I try not to think about what I wrote before .

WG: Right.

TC: And I just imagine that there are a lot of people out there that can’t remember everything. So I write to that audience.

WG: They’re out there honey. You know, I saw a photo of you and Katie, and both of you were topless. I was like, uh-huh honey. I know if it was me out there I’d be down to the floor. I’m long. You guys look like the luckiest mofos on the earth.

TC: Right. Thanks. Whoopi, this interview is about the book. Right?

WG: Yeah. Let’s get it out in the open, lets get it all out in the open. I’ll say vagina, and we can just get all those words out in the open.

TC: Okay, I am ruthless. And I respect that in others. Look, I wish the world was a different place. I want to go on vacation and just play. And do that. But, Whoopi. That’s how I want it to be. But it isn’t, I can’t, because I know. I know I have to do something. I used to sit and wish it was different. But this book is how I have started to do something. I don’t care if someone thinks it is hard or easy or fun or stupid. There’s just this thing of: LETS GO! You know what I mean, Whoopi! Let’s go!

WG: Oh yeah, honey.

Promotional interview between Whoopi Goldberg and Tom Cruise

This is an interview done by Whoopi Goldberg (Jumping Jack Flash, Hollywood Squares, The View) with the incomparable Tom Cruise (Born on the Forth of July, Top Gun, War of The Worlds). This is part one of a three part interview. The final section of the interview will be released alongside The Gospel of Tom Cruise. I like reading these guys go at it. There is a little bit of tension between them for some reason.

WG and TC interview part 1:

WG: Hi, Tom. Glad to talk to you for this interview. I have read the gospel of tom cruise, and I have a few questions to say the least. First off, how’s the family?

TC: Pleasure to see you, Whoopi. It’s been a long time. I don’t mind the questions. It is my pleasure to bring you my first book of poems. I started writing while on the set for risky business. And my movies heavily influence my writing. The family is doing well, Suri’s second birthday is coming up and it is going to be a huge huge blowlout. There will be clowns and elephants and carnival games and a person on stilts. And a whole lot more. We treat her so well. She is a little baby prophet. I recently read in the tabloids that me and Kate are on the rocks, but that is not true. We are loving and leaning on each other.

WG: Woah. Tom. Ok. Everyone is talking about your new book release. I know when you were young you wanted to be a priest. Does this new book tap into that spiritual impulse you had as a kid?

TC: No, I don’t think so Whoopi. I think there isn’t much spirituality in this book. I think it is everything other than spirituality. It is the things of my life now.

WG: But it’s called the gospel of tom cruise. Doesn’t that mean there is something of religion in it?

TC: No… Whoopi, I know it carries a lot of implications. But, I used it for a pretty round about reason. First I look at the old english translation of gospel: good story. Then I think ‘no news is good news’. Then I think, ‘no news is gospel’. Then I decide that when I offer everything but the news about myself, it is a gospel.

WG: Ok.

TC: What?

WG: Well, that just seems a little silly to me. When I think of gospels I think of Sister Act one and two. I think about the music we sang in that movie. That music is moving and spiritual. It is far from nothing.

TC: I don’t know much about that Whoopi. All I am saying is why I called it my gospel. I am sure that gospels in church are lovely things. But right now I am in a different place.

WG: Ok. So, it isn’t any kind of religious text, but it is called a gospel. In it you exist both as an I and as Tom Cruise. Why? What are you trying to say?

TC: I think that when I say Tom Cruise people imagine me, my body. When I say I people imagine my interior self.

WG: But, doesn’t it stand for anything? Isn’t there a deeper symbolism?

TC: No.

small update with no life span

I have recieved the submission from Tom Cruise. His people are nervous about using his stage name. Tom wanted to publish it under Tomas Mapother, but I shot that down pretty quick. I have started formatting his book and it should be up within the week.

In other news, there is a great little anti- tao lin and co. post here. I found it because I use blogsearch to find people to invite to submit to Bore Parade. Ex-intern Catherine Lacey knows what he means! Right now I am writing emails to Blake Butler, Ryan Radar, and Daniel Bailey. I like the style they have when they write. I like style and charisma.

I am going to go to the supermarket now, and get some things to make tacos with. I like tacos with beans and cheese and lettuce and shell and sauce. My cats like lettuce. Right now both my cats are on my desk because my window is open. It is pretty nice out, but I am still going to put on two hooded sweatshirts. My coat is in the car.

They Live: conformist aliens, fight scene, and the power of friendship

In the 1988 movie They Live, starring Rowdy Roddy Piper, there are aliens that live among us and they use an electric signal to keep us dormant. These aliens cannot be seen due to the signal, which gives the alien human features. It was directed by John Carpenter.

Forty-five minutes into the movie Rowdy Roddy Piper's character finds a stronghold of the resistance to the aliens in the back room of a church. In this room he finds a lab with chemicals, and many boxes of sunglasses. Rowdy Roddy Piper watches the church through binoculars for hours. Then, the church is raided by police that are controlled by the aliens. After everyone has left, Rowdy Roddy Piper goes to the backroom where he found the lab. He punches through the wall into a sectret storage area. He finds a box of sunglasses. He takes it. He hides the box in a garbage can and takes a pair for himself. He walks to the street. He looks through the glasses. He sees a black and white world of subliminal messages. He walks down the street wearing the sunglasses. He sees a few people, then he sees the first alien. It asks him, 'what are you looking at?' Rowdy Roddy Piper gets scared and eventually is persued by two cops that are actually aliens. The aliens use thier wrist-commuunicators to tell the base that someone can see them. Rowdy kills the police-aliens and takes all thier guns. He walks into a building while looking behind him to see if anyone is following him. When he turns around he sees that he has walked into a bank. Up to this point Rowdy Piper has not spoken much, but the glasses are 'like a drug'. He notices he is in a bank and stands there for a second holding a shotgun and a handgun. The people in the bank go crazy. He says, 'I've come here to do two things, chew bubblegum and kick some ass... Looks like I'm all out of bubblegum.'Rowdy sees a few aliens in the crowd. Rowdy Roddy Piper stands in the bank and shots five or six aliens. The people running and going crazy think he is shooting people. Rowdy gets chased around for a while by the aliens. Everyone he sees he tries to get to put the sunglasses on and see how it really is. No one will put them on. There is even a six minute fight scene where rowdy is trying to get the person to put on his sunglasses. There are a few wrestling moves in the fight scene. It is pretty awesome, there is one time where this guy gets kneed six or seventimes in the nuts.

In the end he convinces this guy that the aliens exist. Rowdy and this guy get to the alien headquaters with one of the wrist-comminicator-transporters. I'm not really sure how they got it. That guy gets killed and Rowdy Roddy Piper makes his way to the source of the alien signal. I am giving away the end, but this movie was made is 1988 so I don't feel bad. He shoots the source. The signal is broken. The aliens are exposed to everyone, and the plot is foiled. Rowdy Roddy Piper gets shot by a person in a helicopter while he destoys the source. This is the world that he leave behind, with the aliens exposed:

Happy Retire Ric Flair

I'm at Seventy Two Words

Seventy Two Words

eagle riding on a mac truck

nothing doing

I move around so quickly, with such force, that it makes everyone in the room dizzy. I like the word liberty. There is sixty-eight cents on a book next to my keys on the desk.

In the world there is the regular weather. There are slight shifts of wind. There is light rain. There is a small amount of snow falling for a sustained period of time. I am the tornado that makes the volcano erupt in the middle of the hurricane. Even when I feel like sunshine on the cloud.

Sometimes I feel like going for a drive, but there aren't that many roads around here.

The grey person returns home to find the kitten has turned into a catperson.