table of contents


I am sorry internet. I feel like I have been putting you off, and finishing other things, because I have. The Jaguar Uprising Press has experienced a much larger flow of orders than expected. Because of this everything has slowed. In the last week since 6/11 all I have done is work with the press and finishing of things. Everyday, I tell my friends I have work to do, because I do.

Tidal is still nearing. I have come to finish the edits and restart a number of times. Honestly, I have been splitting my work time between working on things for the press and finishing the edits. I think it will be done soon. I am sorry for promising it so much earlier, but things took off from under me. I am still working on it, and I want it to be pretty for you, and full of lovely things, and full of explosions. It is like an action movie. I think it is like a superhero movie where everyone is a superhero.

Along with the book orders, the press has received a good amount of submissions. I have been going through these submissions. I have accepted one, and will probably accept more. Look for the next Jaguar Uprising Press release on July 4th. I will tell you more soon.

This is one of the most exciting times of my life so far. There has been so much to do. It is a great thing, I think it gives me great feelings. I am kind of tired alot, but I am so happy. I am sorry, detatched internet, but I am a happy person for now.

Also, if you have read Kendra Grant Malone's book on bore parade and want more, then order her book from Jaguar Uprising Press. The ordered book contains previously unseen pages with more emotion, more tell-all bravado, and more of Kendra's life. So come over, buy a copy, we will send it to you. We will send it to you with all the pages, ones you have seen and ones you haven't seen.

All ordered books should be in the mail this week. So, if you are waiting for a book order, please be patient in these starting stages. It has been busy, there is alot to put in place. We are thinking of you, and we are sending your books this week.

I guess this is another big week. The final two releases of the 6/11 goal will be released this week. Along with more information about the new Jaguar Uprising Press book, buyable on July 4th. This week should also start to show some signs of transition in the industry and ttb characters, along with a new masked promoing persona in the midst of an anonymous feud with la ponderoso dicasirio (a prodigy of the golden bear) (...the golden bear).

If you would like a Jaguar Uprising press book, and have no dough, e-mail elkjaguar [at] . Tell me you need books, tell me any other things. I will reply and make an offer to you. I want to work something out and send you these books. I want to talk to you about what else we should try to provide to you. Who do you want to see a book from? I will look into it, and maybe even hound them.

My cat is attacking the NWO heavyweight championship, I think that means it is time ti finish Tidal. Sorry again, for the delay, stick with me, please, please.

Vincent Van Vogue

Everybody should go pay a visit to Vincent Van Vogue. Vincent just put up a new mix. It is a very pretty page to look around on. So, you should stop by. It is a fun place, that will only become more fun.


Well, 6/11 has come and gone. It was a whirlwind type of thing. There was alot to do. There still is alot to do. Books are moving. We have had a bit of sales. Enough to make a good number of books. Please support this press. The press is a serious part of something we have fun doing. We are very serious about this press.

Tidal and Ben Balcom's films will be coming out in the next couple of days. As soon as a good amount of time is found to fix problems with all the things, and put up these new things. Thank you for visiting, and please feel free to contact me about any of this, any aspect of it. I would like to talk with you about any of it.

Post 6/11 world, another announcement of the Jaguar Uprising Press

In a world after 6/11, a press called the Jaguar Uprising Press exists. This press is dedicated to giving you quality handmade books for as cheap as we can afford. Take a look at the page, and figure out a way to take part, for us or against us. There are also ebook versions of some books released at bore parade. (soon to go through some major cosmetic changes).

This is years and years away from over.

end of 6/11, starting of something else

Go to Bore Parade to witness Kendra Grant Malone's Love Your Friends Not Your Lover. This is the final release on 6/11 of the 6/11 releases. There are still two more titles that will be released in the next couple of days. We met some snags, of course. But I feel very good and excited about these things. Come along! I would like to work with you on projects.

6/11 has come and is ending. What a time it has been. We didn't reach all the goals that were set. Two books remain in the ebook blitz of 6/11.

We got our first order today. We are in small small tiny, always broke, buisness.

Thanks for stopping by, and witnessing the mayhem of 6/11. It has been fun.

Stay tuned, as the next couple of days will have more news, and more books!

6/11 6/1 1 6 / 1 1 /611

More More More

Here comes 'The Death of the Crippler' by Joe Lindsay, ebook version on bore parade, print version from Jaguar Uprising Press, 2008.

Thank you 6/11.

6/11 611 6/11 61111

After a medium break the books are back. Here is another book, availbile in print from the Jaguar Uprising Press. This book is called 'A Hole in the Ground, A Satellite in the Sky'. It is by someone named Andrew Boye.

In this book you can travel around America with a little boy named Fortune Alabama. You can stop by the mall of america, and see a Hummer flip on the highway.


You can stay tuned. Because more books are coming.

This is a very exciting day, 6/11.

Stop by in the next hour to read 'The Death of the Crippler: The Unofficial Guide to the Benoit Family Tradgedy and the Pro Wrestling Universe' from Jaguar Uprising Press.

Happy 6/11 everyone.


shop with the jaguar uprising at, then witness the mayhem that is 6/11.

You can stop holding your breath.
You can open your eyes.

The first ebook has been released. The highly anticipated zzzzz zzz zzzz by TTB, hits the interntet via Bore Parade. Go live the mystic life for a while. It might Get you in the mood for more 6/11 6.11 611. Remember 6/11. Check back often for more.

There is so much more. There is so so much more more more! Sing it! Oh yeah!

6/11 6/11 6/116/119/116/11

It is like Christmas over here. People have been in and out all night. There have been things happening. I will be posting throughout the day with updates.

First and Foremost of 6/11 is the launch of the Jaguar Uprising Press, and it's website This press offers handmade paperback and hardback books to you. The site includes cover images for books and movies by Kendra Grant Malone, Joe Lindsay, TTB, Mike Bushnell, Andrew Boye, and Ben Balcom.

6/11 is a very special day. It is the day that the Jaguar Uprising Press publishes all print releases on-line. Look for big changes in the format of the Bore Parade page. While the final editing happens on some books, others will be posted at bore parade. The hope is to get six books up by the end of 6/11. Alot of people are involved, so there is room for time differences. But, things look good right now, at 10 am. Hopefully by midnight all will be finished. If not, just sit back, take a nap, wake up, then check back here for updates.

What book will come first? Will there ever be any suspense? Find out today, later today, tonight, and so on. And also, go to and spend a Lincoln on a book. We would love to make you a book with all our hands.

Noah Cicero becomes a part of the Uprising

Watch, as Noah Cicero becomes a face emerging out of the internet to stomp the Jaguar... funny enough this makes him part of the uprising, as liking us and wanting to beat us up are the same thing.

So, Welcome aboard, Noah Cicero. I hope someday the storyline has me and you joining forces.

these are some of Jordan Branson's rules

Jordan's Rules 59-114

59 Marilyn come home
60 Go Rockies
61 You can't hurt steel
62 Park it like it's hot
63 Hit the gasser go fasster, all you hear is dual exhaust flowmaster
64 Don't sit there and get caught by the police
65 Burn rubber all down the block and don't stop
66 Be careful
67 You make me sick
68 Rufus is a girl
69 Clean your room
70 Big Frank
71 No
72 Get Rich Or Die Crying
73 Money Isn't Real
74 Blue Jays '08
75 It's HOT!!!!
76 Heeee-Haaaaaaw
77 Is it July 17th??
78 Jose Reyes is infact a Bobble Head
79 85% of the works everytime
80 and that...makes no sense
81 if it hits the floor its mine
82 John never works the grill again
83 Nobody plays the 184 Jacks are a monster
85 The first cut is the deepest
86 Everybody wants something in return
87 Happy we'll be beyond the sea
88 Someone so close became so far away
89 Crying lowers your sex drive
90 Pocket kings rule
91 Don't be greedy
92 Shout Out! what what!
93 Bread breaks glass
94 Nobody lives here
95 Don't worry about it
96 I was there
97 It's too late to fight
98 Wash your mouth
99 Toast is better than CornFlakes
100 Freedom is loneliness
101 Everyone is weak
102 Tycoonin'
103 Wash your face
104 I dip I stunt, I only wear my white tee's once
105 White tee's I just throw 'em away cuz I wear 'em just only one day
106 My white tee's so fresh smell like febreze, i'm high as a kite smelling like tree's
107 Get hungry before you eat
108 Its understood I do it for the hood
109 She likes it
110 Closest I been to commercial is when I watch TV
111 Pudding is delicious
112 Stones in the watch they match the chain, new jordan's on his feet snowman's his name
113 I get kinda hyphy when i'm gone off a lil' gin, you don't like it say hello to my little friend
114 I am so cool look at my myspace

Daryl finds heat.

Watch as two people write in the style of Zachary German, and Ken Bauman laughs.

I think they describe daryl's life well. I'm not sure though. Daryl works hard to get his heat. Nice work, uprising Daryl. You made a small counter-revolution. I like the sound of this. Get people to write about things.

More footage from the vault. This one is pre-uprising, circa 1994. The jaguars have always been friends.

Even before there was a jaguar uprising, ttb, the golden bear, and the industry were great friends. This is a montage from the vault, set to the alt rock sounds of the wwe-crowd-friendly foo-fighters. It was filmed in 1994. These three helped each other through all the difficult times to get to where we are today. Between spending nights at girls houses, these three skipped on the world. They kept each other writing through anything. See for yourself. On 6/11, these three friends will launch a devastating force in hand-made, sewn-bound books. There will be hardback and paperback versions of all books published. There will be editions with music to listen to while reading, and images to look at between reading. If you let the Jaguar Uprising Press publish your work you will get a special object, multiple special objects, dedicated to you.

An interview with The Golden Bear

(...the golden bear)

Promos from the vault. These happened before a triple threat match between The Golden Bear, TTB, and The Industry. Rare footage from 2001.

Noah Cicero is in America. There is sex everywhere. Buy Treatise.

Buy Noah Cicero's book. If that doesn't convince you, check out Noah Cicero's promo. It is badass. His book release party looks like more fun than Tao Lin's.

The grey person returns home to find the kitten has turned into a catperson.