storyline progress of the jaguar uprising, Tao Lin says 'I will hit you with a chair'

Submit to bore parade, 'zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz' coming this week at bore parade. Tom Cruise sulks about his break up with Katie Holmes in The Gospel of Tom Cruise.

Recently, The Golden Bear declared his love for Kendra Grant Malone, and Kendra responded. The Golden Bear seems to be gunning for the real american dream: meeting the love of his life on the internet. How will this high risk maneuver pay off? Will The Golden Bear continue his pursuit, or will Kendra's response turn him sour on the whole idea? Either way, solidarity Golden Bear, I been where you are right now and it don't feel too good.

Also The Golden Bear and the jaguar uprising in question six of a very long interview on someone's site.

The mystic one, TTB, seems to have a mystically bad taste in his eyes as he sets his glare on Sam Pink. Sam Pink wrote a long promo to the entire uprising, TTB peered in his mystic looking glass and whispered, 'so it must be', and cut a promo on Sam Pink. This seems to be a classic encounter of Legend vs. Legend Killer, as the legendary TTB holds onto the eagle claws and descends from the clouds to defend the legend of the jaguar uprising. The legend killer, sam pink, stands on the rocks near the river waiting for ttb to land, he waits standing near a spider that has no eyeballs. As TTB nears the earth emotions will soar. The collision is close. Brace yourselves.

Daryl the Blacksmith and Daryl Strawberry don't like each other too much. Odd thing is, both of thier blogs are run by the same person: daryl. Who is this crazy metal-bending-home-run-sending-schizo? We'll see, as Daryl faces Daryl in a split personality steel cage match. I don't think daryl even knows he is both. People say you don't have any recollection what your other personalities do. Will daryl simply self-destruct, tearing his own arms and legs off in a coke-feuled-blow-torch-tornado? Watch reality totally disappear, as one man's psyche crumbles in a battle with himself.

Someone out there doesn't care for TTB. His name is Sam "The Man Shotgun" Brewslaw, and he is letting the world now how he feels.

Ciceromania and the jaguar uprising combine as one, a little.

Tao Lin responds to the jaguar uprising appearing at the KGB Bar Arena on Friday, May 2nd by saying, 'I will hit you with a chair.' Be there, or miss out on the greatest battle of writer-athletes that New York has ever seen.