Listen, lean in, HAHAHAHAH.
I am telling all of you that I am happy right now. I have been happy for a little while. I forgot what it was like to feel happy regardless of what is going on. I still remember what it was like to feel something like nothing regardless of what was going on.
This is a development. I am spending alot of time with a lovely lovely. She sparks me, it is good, we are an even match. There is little hostility, we have 'argued', but it was a fear and shock kind of 'argument' where we both were a little scared of the feelings we stirred up in each other. That scared has settled. Now, there is caring and pulling in. There is a little crying here and there, and soft head stroking with kisses on foreheads. It is loving. I have never felt so strongly about treating someone right. This is a good feeling that carries over into other parts of life.
Sometimes, I still sound upset when I answer a question, even though I am not. This happened tonight when someone asked for a ride. They asked for a ride into town and my yes sounded labored like I didn't want to, even though I didn't mind. I might of sounded labored because of when the person asked, it was sudden as I was walking out the door. He hadn't said much else. I drove him to his house, I dropped him off at his door. I tried to sound happy when he thanked me. I think I did.
Then I drive home, and I think about her, she is miles away. Her cell phone does not have service. I don't know exactly where she is over there. I know she will be someplace new tomorrow. I think about he at home, in a room in a house near sleeping horses. I don't know if horses are near the house. But I imagine them anyway.
TTB moved into my apartment. Now it is our apartment. We have yet to stay here at the same time. He is mystic like that. I tried to eat crispix this afternoon, but I didn't have any milk. I wasn't that upset. I ate pasta from the night before.
The house is clean. While I write this there is an infomercial on about the conair hair straightener. I think about conair. I think about people in portland googling the name of this blog five times. I look at my cat and think about why I need to be drinking more water. It was warm today, I walked to town, I wore sunglasses. I ran into Memphis.
Memphis looked alright. I was worried because I hadn't seen him lately. He told me that people yodel to one another from mountaintops. I thought of the blue yodel. I think he said: "There is the real. The imaginary. And the body." He laughed. He said "And the body needs to communicate. So we have cell phones, humming birds, and yodeling from mountaintops." Whenever I see him he tells me about how I remind him of him at my age. He is five years older than me.
That's all. Look ahead. There is promotional material on the front. There are five books being released at one time from Bore Parade in the summer special release. This release features work of five different people. Kendra Grant Malone, Andrew Boye, Joe Lindsay, Me, and TTB. One of the books is the long awaited satire, ZZZZZZzzzzzz zzz zzzzz. The other four are Serious Lit. There is a nonfiction narrative, a novel, a journal, and a long poem. So when you have all that free summer time and koolaid sitting around, brew up some of the red stuff and sit back for hours of fun from Bore Parade.
a blogbook