here's few pages of a early draft of On Earth Through Nothing With Ease

we spent all night looking for a good time and here we are
after it in the clothes with empty wallets
it is quiet while someone looks for some music
colored lights through etched glass
superficial conversation on main street in the afternoon
party whistles are our religious horns
caution cones in the street
it’s nice to simplify things until there is understanding
but it is a complex dance with moments of flight and playing dead
the bar holds elbow glasses and bottles someone in here is humming
the owl sleeps for fourteen hours waking periodically blind in the light
when I return from the park I understand I have been at the park
and that is how I learn
crowbar in the couch by the window
someone goes to the cupboard
a hand grabs a plastic plate
the plate touches wires on the table
quickly
sneak out
for a little while
these days feeling an emotion in public will
bring trouble or sympathy
a deer standing on it’s head spinning
it’s a pretty simple scam
we want to benefit from each other
but it isn’t as hard as it seems
I love you everyday
even though outwardly I am angry and frustrated with myself
in life we are of common cause no matter what
our common cause brings conflict
jaguar on a zebra in an open field
the isolated satire each one of us is
it is a vortex
it is a compost
whales converse deep below the surface
who wants to know
the bone in the hand hits the bones on the ground repeatedly violent
I will drop it for you
I’m not hot on the trail of anything I’m just looking around
self service
sometimes it’s okay to start the fight
because it’s already begun
it’s just under something
the monster without horns lays down in a cave near a cliff by the ocean
the TV behind them shows boxers nudging one another around the ring
with arms angled around each other almost embracing
the door closes and we can see where the burn mark continues off the wall onto it
you look like hell
oh well you shoulda seen me yesterday
quarters saved for the gumball machine
the birds and the motors sing together
close up there’s grease and inconsistencies on the skin
around the gas cap taken off the truck and moved
back onto the threads
he cuts out a yearbook photo and offers it to the altar’s candle
the shape of a piece of sidewalk removed from the whole
jacket over a batman t-shirt
a police car pulls up behind us and turns on its lights
purse straps between breasts against a shirt
the shape of grass surrounded by a mix of gravel and dirt
far from the year this bike moves quickly without brakes
could be
falling off the boat
into the water where the fish move through algae and debris
I take the gifts of my daily life
return return
to ease the bitterness
the simple ease
I had a dream that interrupted the show where i lived with ease
carefully carefree
I woke to an explosion in the water
the seed is placed in the hole and covered with dirt
a cat walks on the mound it leaves paw prints then rubs against a tree
comfortable with the slippers taken off
it isn’t enough just to touch something
it’s not enough
taste the color of the candy
and wonder why we look so empty
it’s pretty interesting
a naked couple strangling each other as they fuck
powerfully and dispassionately
we have a build in surge protector
that keeps up from getting overpowered
prayer pyre we are slowly saved from the fire by the fire
have no fear here the scary is the water we are born in
from the yellow barrier I can hear a marriage and a motor and a tide
there is the sound of small animals on trees and in the air there is a quit cloud
it’s nice it’s near machines and shining arm in a sling
this injured thing that crawls away to die
yo
there’s an American flag
here that is about even
height with the street light
someone behind me is getting in his
car and driving towards
the street the car
drives between the flag and the
street light
I am writing this letter leaning over the arm of my car seat
I know it doesn’t mean much but it explains a lot
like most most boring details in the mix
escape into the world with me
fiery cars on the side of the road
a bomb that almost killed every one of us
he goes off into the mountains with the gun hanging like
a purse between the wrist and the waist
on the screen Bruce Willis talks into a phone
in the audience a four year old boy stands on his feet and repeats
“yippee ky oh ky yay mother fuckers”
four dark rooms next to each other and connected with bricks
and around here this is about as holy a place as
we’re gonna find
we think too much to be solitary in the wilderness these days
we cling to civilization and repel each other
trying to control one another because we are unable control ourselves
I sit alone and speak
and worry you will be able to tell how much I talk to myself
when I talk to you, catching you at an inopportune
moment and interrupting something important
or at least more important
for right now
nobody knows me I see to that
and I only cry on the phone with my parents
every once in a while
when it weighs down the cheek onto the collar
I jumped up and gave a moth a high five
and it dies on impact and spiraled down to the concrete
I am the hidden power of the suburbs
she sings karaoke on the pedestal and he
dances drunkenly around her mouthing half the lyrics
looking around
all of this is hostile territory
where you can buy things and set them down
and turn on the TV and the remote
still gives something gracious
and that hardly ever changes
but we accumulate habits
and panic between habits
and fill the time compulsively
in fear for our something
we move between aisles
exchanging words and looking at the spines
of books on the shelves
it’s one thing at a time for now and carry on
and move beyond there is a secret
on a secret like cell phone
coving each eye and obscuring it all
this it it it is lurching forward and pumping in the metal box
lean lean and regret that is what the bench gets
paint paint and power washings that is what the wall gets
and what about us what about us….stuff stuff stuff
that self destructs
people pay for plots of land on a planet in out galaxy
I look over to you and laugh
Most of it feels like a joke
When we don’t want to find out in front of people
I return I return
and I am different
I think you still recognize me when
I return
and I have changed completely
death has been here the whole time and I miss you
oh well
being comfortable is not the most important thing
the trees have leaves with light it’s the top leaves
leaving shadows on the bottom leaves
in partial light
I was looking for you and I didn’t tell you that till now
some machines are bled
some machines are blessed
some machines are distraction
a black bird with an iridescent head and yellow beak
flies between power lines between a tree and a stop sign
four small birds land on the asphalt and jump around
pecking the smallest parts of food left over
underneath
i step from one step to another
you are a door
here the rust is on the poles that hold the streetlights
and other places too
and rusty things get replaced
and we can relate to a lifespan
sometimes
when i am alone
I am pathetic repetitions
I am petty over examined
oh well
the car backing up over there is beeping
like an alarm
a body wearing glasses
drives a car past
some squirrels
climbing up the side of the tree
to the storage den
above the ninth branch
dry cleaning hangs on a hook in the vehicle
someone is coming
footsteps on a wooden floor
single beep in a dark room when a button is pressed
a panel lights up near the wall
the internet is on the panel
some search site
look
i realize there’s a lot out there these days
but it too deceivingly small and ridiculous
it is too violent and boring for a human mind to rely on
i know it is long days in the hot and lusty but
it is worth when it happens to remember in this
world of too much that this world is not enough this is pretty nice
don’t get me wrong we have come a long way but please
there are more rewarding relaxations in life
we are nothing special but we have the ability to understand and examine and leave artifacts on purpose in public
i don’t know so i try to find things one at a time and forget
just as fast sometimes but not always and sometimes it all comes back
forget it
here is a little hesitation in the question
how do you spell that again
I placed my hand on the shark then my hand touched the water as it sank
there is no proper way to live
there is no conspiracy
don’t worry
it’s all a hoax
and placed the book on the table and began to cry loudly
the water boils and it is not enough on it’s own
if you trust it there is still no definite outcome
the horse takes off over the hedges and makes a sound with it’s throat
the plastic cup sits on the table
we sit with it
empty along with it
how’s the new thing going I forgot what you called it the other day
I don’t need you like I used to I am glad you are far away right now
the individual garbages melt into one large lumpy thing
it’s easy to forget it
the walk down the hall is usually meaningless
but that doesn’t mean there is no hope
the curve
it rains in the dry land
the residual dust disappears
the water appears clear as it drips she enters the room looking for the light switch
bulb blink
to steady glow
grow into something casual there’s something missing here
as usual
and look at it
while standing up
and standing still
if I could only remember it
the window three stories up
fire extinguishers are everywhere
and we copy them and are often afraid of the fire
this little building off the highway
where there are two bathrooms
and spots on its tile
you walk across this
admiring the lazy style
may arms are waving in the air
and the train is coming listen
a cow near the forest
light the hut stay standing
pass out in the truck
if you want me to drive just say something
all these little stains are mistaken for bugs in the periphery at one point of another
I take the useless and find a way to fear it
when the slowly slowly moving is not enough distraction
to survive on a pair of shoes on feet walking in a circle
he leans off the edge of the dock peeing on a burning boat sinking into water
who do you call
who do you call when everyone is sleeping
I leave you a message of a couple sentences
my voice offers no urgency or desperation
I am sitting in the parking lot of McDonalds farting and laughing to
myself as I eat fry after nugget
something someone has said to me
remains in my head and it is louder than everything
echoing and getting louder
I was four the first time it happened
the light was on and I was in bed trying to sleep
helicopters over the city covered in blinking bulbs
the pole between the car and the white truck
the fixtures in the diner covered in dust
and swaying in the gusts that come in when the door opens
come in
come on in
I mean I refuse to hold your hand or lead you to the door
but I will grab a paper towel or something
if I can help
we gotta understand these things first hand
I hear about it and kind of forget it
and am never reminded of it
and that was a good story too
I remember the painfully empty everydays everyday
it is embarrassing
slightly
just that I pace so much
when I am alone it is embarrassing slightly
and I go to the same websites over and over
I still have love for you
and I hope it still means as much
in the digitally compressed file
a ship in the ocean with water going into the air around it
a ship in the ocean with water covering the deck and fish in the water
a ship nest to the fish slightly under the surface of the ocean
in a convenience store two people don’t have enough for condoms
one of them suggests the pullout method
and walks over to the cooler
opens it and grabs a water
a hand putting money on a counter
the pocket on the shirt of a clerk in the bag counting boxes
mirrors
blankets
candy
knives
and a rams hat
in a bag on a bench outside the bus stop
the pitiful hand off
here is the window i first saw you through
I thought you looked magnificent and i just sat there waiting
the grocery store closed at midnight now
someone wakes up and pulls the covers off the bed
touch this metal on the counter if you want to
it is yours after all
this is yours after all
this is ours after all and i am staying into the afterlife
glowing bugs fill the air around us
the body in pajamas goes upstairs thinking of someone from a couple of days ago
what was that
oh nothing nothing nothing
the raft on the river is going downstream
the people in the raft are waving flags others are rowing
the axe has been at the bottom
it is nothing but rust now
and now it is nothing
the laughter behind the door got lively
but then does down again
Bruce Willis is sitting in the fifth row of the quietly dark theatre
watching one of his daughters perform in a high school play
a naturally mummifies body lays on the ground in the jungle
thousands of miles from the city
watching a squirrel run around the tree then into a hole in the tree
reminds me a multi-dimensional universe
and I fly up until the planet looks flat
and perfectly round
I fly up until the galaxy looks flat
and surrounded by other flat galaxies that we can
go inside and find the details
of the planets and their landscapes
here
someone hands someone a nightclub flyer
continues walking
and offers flyer to the next person nearing
a jungle with natives standing in it
a native with a headdress of grass
standing in front of a camera
the camera man grabs the gold pendant off the native’s neck
where did he get this
where did you get this
where did you get this
shaking his fist and getting slightly closer
thin stripes of blue come through thin clouds
you look beautiful in this light
and if you do not like direct light
I will angle the mirror for you
and this light will find another way to you
someone nears the door and knocks
hello?
please please
do not take the darkness from me right away
because it will return and i will not know what to do with it without you
people of many ethnicities walk together through a park
this part of the earth where the body turns to dirt below
come on up
I stab each electronic gadget I own
someone kicks a stump out from beneath the man hanging in the tree
he hangs a little while tensing his neck and trying to breathe
kicking his legs and not screaming
we share a sad history
a cannon shot in the forest
I think it isn’t that bad but it is too damn repetitive
the village burns to the ground
we burnt it there
or we watched it later on the news
this is a disconnected world
I have wanted to cry all day
but I have denied that impulse so far
and it is so tough to tell what will bring the breaking
so I’ll carry my body along and live through
and shut off nothing and attempt while incapable
the laptop screen lights up the front seat of the police cruiser
a truck blows a tire and sits under the super cell storm turning into a tornado
this kind of light that hides in the artifact when it’s buried
it is a handshake in the afternoon on the path to the park
we need more than this and it is us to make it
the television actress watches herself
sing in a low budget music video she
sings to us for our money
someone had an idea of how things should go
and sat and thought about how things should go
and walked out onto the porch and looked and the things moved slightly
in the various forces pushing things into motion
and dreamed immediately
and began to run attempting to jump off the planet
into space
quiet hotel across from the nightclub in this town of
a couple thousand people
back door closing slowly and some smoke going into the air above
the ashtray
a mother flips through catalogs walking through the living
room and finds her son passed out on the floor
between the tv and the couch
the tear moves pretty
fast down the cheek
and
thins slightly on the skin
then it is absorbed by the sleeve that wipes it away
we’ve gotten ourselves into a tough spot
one of the tires is up on the snow bank
one of tire spins just above the ground
here
take this
if you’re thirsty
I think we have some crackers somewhere
too
a woman stands in a long
dress
the fabric pulls
on the shape of her body in the wind
she puts one hand on the wooden fence and leans onto her
toes trying to see the cleaner
lift the filter from the water
and drip a bit on the concrete
the rock that makes the river rapid
is something of a role model
the basketball in the pool
floats near the naked body
splashing the dog
in explosive patterns
with fast movements of arms
a body rises it slips and falls it rises again
it slips and falls while it’s rising
a shoe pulls gum from
the sidewalk
the sun finally turns another night in another morning
these hours are intolerable and unhealthy
but this is my bulk email to all of us here today
it says I am so sorry that this is not more personal
but I know there is no way to learn anything without being
here with you spread across some time and miles
that is forever carry on we are here forever
regardless of the time and the nothingness
helmet bodies decay and here we are forever
or at least a little longer
while the last empties with ease
we carry on in each other
pass it along pass it along